The weekend following my first chemo treatment — Days 4 and 5 — proved to be a bit tougher than days two and three. The first two days seemed to go pretty smoothly. Other than not sleeping well (probably attributable to the Prednisone) and in turn sleeping in kinda late, I made it to work both days. I kinda hit a wall towards mid-afternoon on those days though, so didn’t put in a full 8 hours on either day, but for the most part I felt ok and was functional. Encouraging comments from others about how I looked, and just being at work that quickly after chemo made me start thinking that this treatment wasn’t going to be a big deal at all.
Then came the weekend…
Cancer cells become a problem because their division happens at a rapid and uncontrolled rate, so the toxins that were dumped into my system are designed to affect the process of cell division. One of the unfortunate side effects of the chemotherapy is that any normal cells that are supposed to replicate and replace themselves rapidly stop doing so. Over the weekend I became painfully aware of the most notable places where that happens; the palms of my hands, the soles of my feet, and my mouth. Saturday was really the first I noticed any of that; my tongue started feeling kinda raw, and my feet and hands became especially tender. Walking any distance was uncomfortable, and anything that I did that stressed the skin on my hands just hurt. I thought it strange that that was the case with the feet and hands, but it makes sense I guess since those are parts that see a lot of wear, and if the skin isn’t replenishing itself as it normally would, it just wears out. Of course, I was told all this on Day One, but had forgotten about it, or at least how much it would affect me.
And on top of all of that, my energy level was at an all-time low, or so it felt. Just doing some routine stuff around the house on Saturday morning left me feeling totally shot. Resting helped, a little, but there wasn’t much there. The weather was so nice, and with the recent ice storm there was a lot to do outside, but one of the other things that cancer patients are told is to stay out of the sun, so I felt like the sickly little kid watching his buddies play ball through the window; wasn’t much fun. All of that added up to one big colossal pity party. I’ve been told that I’m entitled to a few of them, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Later in the afternoon, when the sun wasn’t so high in the sky, we went out for a walk. Our usual route takes about 40 minutes, but Yvonne knew I wouldn’t be up to that so changed things up to cut through Spellerberg Park & make it about 20 minutes instead. Walking up little inclines felt like hills, and the “huge hill” that had to be climbed to get home just about did me in. No energy. I have to admit though that after that walk, and a short rest afterward, I felt much better. I slept a bit better that night as well. Tired is good in a way, I guess.
The lesson from all that was that I’m not so tough, and this chemotherapy thing isn’t easy. I did receive a lot of encouraging words from friends who have been there, and that helps immensely. Tim has been through two bouts of prostate cancer, and had this to say last night:
Know that there will be tough days… followed by better weeks.
There was always a time lag after a treatment for me: first day or two were fine… then sick for a day or 2-3, then better for a week or 10 days.As long as you know what to expect, it gets much easier.
That last line should be bolded, italicized, underlined, highlighted, and emblazoned in red; knowing what to expect is huge. The unknown is the worst. Now that I’ve been through one treatment, I know better what to expect. Today, Kathleen told me that when she went through breast cancer treatment, she found there was a slightly cumulative effect from the treatments; each successive treatment hit her a little harder. I think I can deal with that, especially when having somewhat of a baseline expectation. And above all of that I need to remember not to expect too much of myself, and not to push myself too far.
Back to last weekend: Sunday went much better. When I hit that wall on Saturday, I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to accomplish much on Sunday, which is as it ought to be, so planned to just stay home from church and lay low the whole day. There were some things going on at church that I wish I could’ve attended, but the admonition to avoid crowds was pretty strong; too many germs floating around that can wreak havoc on a compromised immune system. Yvonne & Caleb did go to church, so it was nice to have some quiet time on my own; wish I could say that I made good use of the time, but I can’t, other than just recuperating from Saturday. Yvonne came home with smiles on her face from all that went on, which really lifted me up as well.
And now it’s already Tuesday; Week One is nearly done, and today felt almost normal. Ready for Week Two!
Dave, another thing to be on the lookout for is a phenomenon known as chemo brain. Depending on your particular way of putting things, you may describe it as having clouds in your thinking, or being hit by feather pillows repeatedly while trying to remember anything…feel free to come up with your own terminology, but to emphasize what you already know – once you know to expect it, it makes it easier.
Chemo by itself is an odd beast. Having had both chemo and radiation at the same time, I can’t say for certain which of my symptoms were purely chemo and which were purely radiation sickness; all I needed to know as that this, too, shall pass 🙂
Praying for ya!