{"id":803,"date":"2009-01-01T22:56:44","date_gmt":"2009-01-02T04:56:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davintosh.com\/?p=803"},"modified":"2009-01-01T22:56:44","modified_gmt":"2009-01-02T04:56:44","slug":"my-no-years-resolutions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/2009\/01\/01\/my-no-years-resolutions\/just-stuff\/","title":{"rendered":"My No-Year’s Resolutions"},"content":{"rendered":"

Since my track record for keeping past New Year’s Resolutions has been pretty poor — I usually end up headed in the opposite direction of what I resolve to do — I thought this year I’d maybe try a little reverse psychology. Maybe I’ll actually get where I want to go. <\/p>\n

So, I hereby resolve to…<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Gain weight. I’m thinking at least 40 pounds. Just more of me to love, right? <\/li>\n
  2. Not even think about exercising. I’d resolve to quit exercising, but I can’t very well stop if I’m not doing it in the first place. Total waste of time.<\/li>\n
  3. Read less, and I’ll hide my Bible. Quiet time? Devotions? Spiritual disciplines? Who needs them?<\/li>\n
  4. Watch more TV. I might even break down and get cable. From what people at work talk about, I’ve been missing some good stuff.<\/li>\n
  5. Procrastinate more. Then again, maybe I’ll wait & do that next year. <\/li>\n
  6. Take up a new habit: Maybe drinking. And smoking would be good too. And as long as I’m at it, I’ll start hitting the casinos. <\/li>\n
  7. Spend more time at work. <\/li>\n
  8. Spend less time with the wife & kids. That only deepen any emotional attachment to them, which interferes with #7.<\/li>\n
  9. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine. <\/li>\n
  10. Stop going home for lunch or bringing a sack lunch to work: We all need to do our part for stimulating the economy, and fast food restaurants play an important role in that, right?<\/li>\n
  11. Quit giving money & time to charity. It’s time to let someone else develop character in that way.<\/li>\n
  12. Sell my car and buy a mid-’70’s Camaro or Monte Carlo with a really loud stereo system, mag wheels, air shocks and wide tires in back. I’ll also need to grow a mullet to complete the image.<\/li>\n
  13. Shower and change clothes once a week, whether I need it or not. A guy has to do his part to to reduce water usage.<\/li>\n<\/li>\n
  14. Cash out my 401k accounts. The markets are going nowhere fast, and just think of the fun I could have with all that money.<\/li>\n
  15. Stay up later still every night. Think of all the late-night TV and web browsing I can get done instead of sleeping. Most days at work I feel like I’m spinning wheels anyway, so showing up half asleep shouldn’t affect a thing productivity-wise.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n

    Well, that should pretty much do it. Here’s hoping I keep a perfect track record. Of failing to achieve what I resolve to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Since my track record for keeping past New Year’s Resolutions has been pretty poor — I usually end up headed in the opposite direction of what I resolve to do — I thought this year I’d maybe try a little reverse psychology. Maybe I’ll actually get where I want to go. So, I hereby resolve […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,2,5],"tags":[161,162],"class_list":["post-803","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fun","category-just-stuff","category-personal-growth","tag-161","tag-resolutions"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/803","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=803"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/803\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=803"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=803"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davintosh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=803"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}